Mush Brain

I do my best work at night...on the edge of sleep and fuzzy awareness.  My best ideas and intuitive creativity seem to invade the gray mass between my ears just as I am drifting off.  I say to myself, " these are good thoughts and inspirations for my next blog," and then I go dancing off on a cloud.  Yes, really good stuff presents itself...Pulitzer Prize literary greatness of words and wisdom bathed in the slurry mush of my brain.  I could write the next "Best Seller!!" Well, maybe not.  When I wake up in the morning I just can't remember much of what I thought would be wonderful, inspiring verbosity.  What is left is...you guessed it...slurry, gray mush, the water on my brain.

Anyway...what I was thinking of  was the book SEVEN STORY MOUNTAIN by Tomas Merton which I read sometime ago.  I was never really impressed with the book even 'though it was hailed as a great autobiography, a revered "mystic" of modern times.  Because his book just didn't reach me on a "deeper level...I didn't read his other books.  I am not known for profound perceptions of all thing great and beautiful, but for me to read and finish the book...well, I found it laborious.

To my little, mushy intellect..it was a "me" book and not about "God" book.  I know that what I am expressing will rile some, if not many, but I did not find it as a "God Centered" book, but as a "me" centered autobiography.  While it was a good book and highly lauded by intellectual and spiritual leaders far and wide, and read by the "common man," somehow I didn't really care for the book.  I may have missed many things of great importance within the pages...I plan on reading it again.  As I said my brain power is limited and is fueled by Little Debbie Cakes and the equivalent of Ding Dongs and Ho Hos...and all frosted cakes.

I have been trying to deepen my own spiritual life and acquire a more substantial union with Jesus, "the anointed one."  This has been an ongoing quest for me because my head has a sponge in it and it is full of empty holes.  You would think that a sponge-like brain would just soak up everything that it is exposed to, but like the sponge in my kitchen sink...it will only hold so much and then everything "kind of" drips out and down the drain.  I am a stumbling block to myself and keep tripping over my own inadequacies.  Got that?  Me neither.  That is perhaps why my quest continues and there are so many bumps in the road.  My need...desire...struggle for a closer communion with Our Lord...is a field full of landmines and I keep stepping on them.  I do wish to love the Lord with all my heart, but it is difficult when you love all things frosted and yummy, too.

If you give me a hammer and nails with a little saw I can build a book case.  If I were to be asked to build a house I couldn't do it.  If you ask me to expand my spiritual horizons or shore up the walls of a well of communion with our Savior...I would try.  I am human with faults and limitations...but I would...am trying.  I will never be a great writer, a mystic or a saint, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't aim for it and make it my goal, as everyone should.  I will continues with my baby steps and wobble along for that is how I learn to walk, for anyone must walk before trying to do a powerwalk and then run.  Yes, I know.  I am a slow learner with a porous  heart and brain.  My baby steps will hopefully take me to the end of my quest...and that may be how it is meant to be.  Pray always...always.

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